Motherhood

Mothering young children has got to be the most crazy, up and down, whirlwind phases a woman can go through. Never in one day, one hour, one moment have I had such polar thoughts and feelings than now. One moment I am wishing the girls were babies again, so that I can hold them until my heart is content. The next I am wishing they were older...dressing themselves, getting their own breakfast, tying their own shoes.

My actions are just as polar as my thoughts. One minute the girls and I are having fun, cuddling, tickling, singing, and laughing. The very next moment one of them has yet again tested my patience (i.e.: applied new Crayola artwork to my kitchen cabinets)...beyond the patience I feel I possess... and I swear if I were a cartoon my blood would boil out of my ears and my head would steam like a choo choo train (including sound effects) and my face would turn bright red.

However, despite the constant polarity of my thoughts, emotions, and actions I KNOW some things will never change: 1) the fierce love I have for my children 2) the fierce instinct I have to protect my children and 3) the triumphant thought that it was my God-created body that brought my children into the world. No else will ever know how it felt when Jillian Winter hiccupped or stretched in the womb. No one else in the world will ever know how it felt when Jenna Winter found "her spot" just under my right ribs where she burrowed until her birth. These thoughts are not written to diminish the feelings a mother has of her adopted child or surrogate child, but they do empower me as a mom.

All of these thoughts came rushing into my mind like a tidal wave flashes on Wednesday, September 5th, when I took the girls to Preschool for the first time. Until now, they've spent the days that I work either with Jared (he has off on Mondays) or Mary (she kept them the other two days). We were very blessed with those arrangements; but it was time for the girls to start interacting with kiddos their own age and learn rules of the classroom (so to speak). So now on Wendesday, they go to a Preschool program.

Jillian and Jenna On Their First Day of Preschool

 Getting out of the car I realized just a few months ago they couldn't close their car doors by themselves. Walking up the steps I remembered a time when steps were new and fun and hands had to be held as they mastered each climb of every step. Opening the door and watching them put away their items reminded me of how I had to tend to their every need not too long ago.

Jillian with her pink school garb (Barbie and Hello Kitty...the most pink possible)

Jenna with her mix of Cinderella backpack and Froggie lunchpak

So, obviously (because I, Jessica, am a worry wart), I was nervous on Wednesday, mostly because I was afraid they wouldn't want me to leave or they would be upset. Neither was the case, my children walked right into their classroom, put away their things like a pro and then made a quick bee line straight to the toys. I had planned on staying for a bit to get them settled and adjusted but they basically shoo shooed me away. I bid them farewell, got in my car and proceeded to hold back the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. I never thought I would be a "crier," so those emotions surprised me. I drove straight to work (not calling Jared or my mom....knowing if I did the tears would flow like a waterfall) and for the remainder of the day I was a depressed form of my usual chipper self.

At quitting time I practically jogged from my office to my car and arrived at their Preschool in record time. They were very excited to see me (which of course lifted my spirits), however; Jillian was not ready to leave her class and her teacher.

I couldn't have asked for a more positive outcome. :)

Jillian enjoying her class

Jenna loves the new toys

So....now I just need to toughen up those tear ducts. If I was barely able to hold things together for Preschool, how in world am I going to hold things together for Kindergarten in two years?!?!

More to Come...

PS: Check out all the pictures of Summer 2012!! http://www1.snapfish.com/snapfish/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=4562116012/a=98102858_98102858/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/