A Mother's Lament

Jillian (L) and Jenna eat their afternoon snack at their Big Girl Picnic Table. We can't wait to have snacks outside once the weather gets warmer and less windy.

You know the saying "children are a reflection of their parents?" Jared says the girls are spitting images of me; if that is true then I have to say I didn't realize how much of a goofy ham I was! (Hey....I heard that!!) I mean, I know toddlerhood is when children really start to observe and study people and things around them. Deciding upon preferences and learning mannerisms. I just had no idea toddlers could be so expressive.


Come over to our house and right away you will see Jillian constantly pulling faces. Big cheesy smiles, looks of shock and surprise, pouty lips that seem miles long. Jillian has obviously started to pick up on the body language and expressions of those around her. She is also very sensitive and concerned about others (mainly her sister since Jenna is her number one playmate). Many times when Jenna starts to cry Jillian will try and hand Jenna the nearest toy or pacifier to appease her; and whilst Jillian is learning to be an imitator of others, Jenna is learning how to be a completely separate and very independent person. Jenna is very happy-go-lucky but also very dramatic. Lots of little things make her angry and Jenna expresses her anger in a very unusual way...her tummy! When she gets mad she pushes her tummy out as far as it goes and screeches/grunts a bit. Not for very long mind you as she is easily distracted (thank goodness). Jenna usually has an item, destination or goal in mind and will let you know if you are blocking her path. Yet, Jenna is also very sweet and cuddly and out of two Jenna still likes to be held, kissed and cuddled more often than Jillian.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Jillian's surprise face (I promise it is a face and not just craming food into her mouth)
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Jillian's cheesy smile
 
Something new being played out recently for both girls is an attachment to a caregiver and that caregiver is not me. Of course I am still Momma and I know that they know that. I will admit that this has been a struggle for me though as I assumed that the girls would cling to me since I am their primary care giver. You may or may not be surprised to find the girls first preference of persons to be with is their Grammy (Mary- my mom-in-law). Followed very closely by Jared and then me. I truly am happy (and relieved) that the girls love Mary so much. Not that I was afraid they wouldn't love her (of course they would) but it makes for much easier drop offs at her home twice a week; however, if I am being honest it does hurt a little (alright...a lot!) when I return to pick them up and they very clearly want nothing to do with me. It is no different at home as both make their preferences known for Daddy.


At first I was really worried that the girls didn't like me for some reason. I mean...I AM the mom so that goes without saying the hard stuff is done by me. The medicine, the nose and face cleaning, getting dressed and undressed, etc. I was worried that maybe I was turning into the bad guy and Jared was the fun guy. This week I started to scour the internet for some articles and advice. I read several articles and even asked my pediatrician at our 15 month (yes, that's right! can you believe they are 15 months??) check up about it and pretty much all of the information was the same. At this age toddlers form attachments to very specific people or things. Why they choose those people or things you don't know, but most often it is a phase and their attachment will change with time. My favorite article (the one that made me feel better) explained it like this: Toddlers focus on very few achievements and milestones at one time. If the child is learning to walk then they put all other learning goals aside and focus only on walking, often not using other milestones they've already mastered. Once the new milestone is achieved they go back to the skill they put on hold. For example, Baby Jane focuses is learning to say Bye-Bye. She finally learned it and has been using it for weeks. Then, her mom notices that Baby Jane has completely stopped saying Bye-Bye (like she forgot how to do it) but notices a week later that Baby Jane has learned how to grab a toy while standing. Once Baby Jane has mastered grabbing toys while standing she starts saying Bye-Bye again and both milestones are used regularly. Well, the doctor in this article said family members are treated exactly the same. The baby can only intently focus on person at a time. They study this persons mannerisms, expressions, words. While they are studying this person (whether it is a mom, dad, grandparent, sibling, caregiver, etc.) they have an attachment and preference to be with this person. Eventually the child learns enough about this person to begin studying someone else and thus their attachment transfers.

I don't know...that doctor's theory could be a bunch of bull honkey...I just know it makes me feel better about the fact that my girls want to be with other people more than they want to be with me. So for now I am still being the mom I know how to be. I remind myself that I am their mother and I know they love me and want to be with me (especially if I am the only one home or if we are in a place where they don't know anyone else). So in the meantime I will hide my disappointment and encourage the relationships they are building with others....and then I will go home and pray like crazy things change soon! If any moms out there (or dad's too) have a story about their toddler preferring someone other than you I would love to hear about it. Especially the parts on how long the phase lasted and if there was anything you did that helped.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Jenna sits on her bench nice and tall
 
 

Jenna's pretty smile

In other news the girls are healthy and still growing. Baby sister Jenna is now the bigger twin weighing in at 20.4 pounds and measuring 30 inches. Jillian is right behind her though at 19.14 pounds and 28 inches. Both girls have cut one top tooth and according to the pediatrician have at least 3-4 teeth each still trying to break thru. Neither baby is walking yet and neither has taken any independent first steps but they are getting better at standing for a few seconds without holding on to something and are great at walking with someone or with a push toy supporting them. They will also let you prop them up against something (like the back of the couch) and they will throw themselves forward so you can catch them. They think they are walking...they are lucky I am there to catch them from diving nose first into the floor.

More to Come,

Jess

Jenna and Jillian love to read books

Jenna and Jillian are getting their "rock" on